On New Year's Eve, you make resolutions to meditate daily, train for a race, and read two books each month. But by February, you’re meditating once a week while skipping runs. And unread books are piling up on your shelf.
Maybe you haven’t lived out that exact scenario, but you’ve likely felt the disappointment of failing to stick to a commitment. And the fact that you weren’t making the progress you’d hoped for may have demotivated you even more. In these scenarios, it’s not uncommon to question the point of setting those goals in the first place and feel tempted to give up.
But there’s real value in setting goals. Whether it’s to be healthier, less stressed, or more knowledgeable, we all have our reasons — and they’re usually good ones. The stumbling block? Your internal motivation dips, priorities change, and your goals seem less attainable. It’s a common struggle.
Fortunately, extrinsic motivation can help you kick your plans back into gear. Teaming up with an accountability partner can inspire you, push you toward your goals, and remind you that you’re capable of change.
What’s an accountability partner?
An accountability buddy checks in frequently to ensure the person they support is on track and sticking to their commitments. This person may even offer feedback to help you stay motivated on the route to your goals. You can ask a friend or acquaintance to fill this role and offer to reciprocate, pushing the other person to reach their targets, too.
Picture this: you and a friend are training for a half marathon together. You go on morning runs, stretch, and log your exercise data in a social running app.
When you’re having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, your buddy sends you a motivational text reminding you how far you’ve come to help you overcome your procrastination. Plus, they’re going to be waiting for you to start their own run, so you need to show up for both of you.
3 benefits of accountability partnerships
In an age when there’s an app for everything, you might wonder if having an accountability partner is worth the trouble of finding. Why ask a friend for this support when you could just log your miles, meditation minutes, or the pages you’ve read on your phone?
While motivational and accountability apps can be excellent tools for monitoring progress, you miss out on the interpersonal benefits of working with a partner. Here are three essential perks you can only get from working with an accountability buddy.
1. Targeted motivation
Motivated people react well in the face of challenges. But you don’t always have the energy or desire to push yourself — especially when there’s an obstacle in your path.
However, an accountability partner can regularly empower you and remind you of the importance of your goals. This person’s job is to encourage you to keep working even when you’re struggling, and they tailor their support to you.
When training for a 5K race, your accountability partner might remind you that when you started, you couldn’t run a mile without getting winded. And now, jogging three is a breeze for you. This push might just be enough for you to lace up your sneakers and get out there.
Watching your partner make progress can also motivate you to appreciate your accomplishments or push yourself harder. If both you and your friend started your running journey at the same point and you notice them getting faster and stronger, you may be more likely to track these same changes in yourself. And if you feel your progress is lagging, you might squeeze in an extra jog or two to catch up to them to avoid falling behind.
2. Perspective
You don’t think the same way as your accountability partner. This person may even have different reasons for wanting the same goals as you — or be working toward something else entirely. And that’s a good thing.
Perhaps you want to run a race to improve your cardiovascular health, but your accountability buddy is doing the race to raise funds for charity. Your friend has done many of these races, so their physical condition is good, but they don’t love running. On the other hand, you enjoy running, but it’s difficult for you. Your friend can provide perspective on how long you’ll need to train for, and you can help your buddy discover parts of the experience to enjoy — like being out in nature or listening to a podcast while they run.
3. Community
Social connection, a sense of belonging, and well-being are all linked. Working toward a goal in a partnership provides a support system in which you can feel seen — you don’t have to celebrate your achievements alone. And your partner can also lend an empathetic ear and words of encouragement when you hit an obstacle.
Plus, accountability partnerships provide opportunities for conversation and reflection. You can discuss your progress, what you enjoy about the initiative you’ve taken on, and commiserate about what’s been difficult.
How to be an accountability partner
In a solid mutual accountability partnership, each person feeds off the other’s energy. Even if one partner feels disappointed in their progress, they must support the other person. And when a friend is celebrating a win, their partner should match their excitement.
Here are three tips for holding up your end of a supportive partnership.
Be honest
Your accountability partner won’t always track well toward their goal, and you should provide honest feedback instead of falsely recognizing accomplishments they’re not achieving. Your honesty doesn’t have to be harsh, but it should be direct. You would want the same treatment from your partner.
Suppose you’re both a week from a big professional deadline, and your coworker is struggling to start the task. Remind the person that procrastination could negatively affect their career and offer to sit and work beside them until they’re back on track.
Commit
Take your role as an accountability partner seriously. You’ve sought a buddy because you wanted support in reaching a goal you didn’t think you could achieve alone. The same applies for your partner. Provide the kind of consistent support you’d hope to receive.
Make a check-in calendar to set clear responsibilities. For example, decide to review overall progress every Friday but have a quick chat every morning to air out concerns and celebrate little milestones.
Be empathetic
When people set a goal, it’s because they desire something they don’t currently have — whether that’s improved physical health, financial wellness, or a different job. And there’s a reason they don’t have what they desire. It could be due to a lack of skills, time, or motivation.
This makes reaching goals a vulnerable, humbling, and challenging process. You’ll likely experience these sensations when you’re in it, as will your accountability partner. Show empathy by actively listening to the other person when they hit an obstacle or feel their goal is out of reach. Your non-judgemental attitude will encourage your partner to extend the same treatment to you.
How to find an accountability partner
There’s a right and wrong way to find a good accountability partner.
Say your coworker is a skilled coder, and you’re considering asking them to be your study buddy as you train for a beginner hackathon while they prepare for an expert one. However, while your peer is an inspiration, you realize they won’t provide proper support. They can’t empathize with your experience or join you on a similar training journey.
To avoid a seemingly sound but ultimately bad fit and find the right person, apply the following rules to your selection process.
Know what you hope to achieve
Before seeking an accountability partner, set a SMART goal. This acronym stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. When you use these parameters to set a goal, you define a precise aim you can reasonably reach in the set period.
Defining a goal helps you envision your route to success and plot action items, allowing you to match with an accountability partner with a parallel aim. Remember, you wouldn’t want to train for a 5K with someone preparing for a marathon, so setting the goal to “run a race” is too vague.
Instead, start your search for an accountability partner with an aim like, “I want to run a 5K in 35 minutes or less by the end of December to participate in my local New Year’s Day fun run.”
Avoid asking someone too close to you
It’s wise to tread carefully when considering extremely close friends or people with whom you share a deep bond as accountability partners. The intimacy of these relationships might actually hinder your progress.
People who care deeply for you may withhold honest, constructive feedback, fearing it could hurt you or strain the relationship. But what you need in an accountability partner is someone who can offer candid insights and share comparable experiences.
Other dynamics of close relationships could also muddle your journey. Someone who’s witnessed your past struggles may not offer the firm motivation you need now. Or, even though they genuinely care about your well-being, they might not grasp why you’re aspiring to reach a particular goal. For example, it would be unfair to expect a friend at work who has no interest in graphic design to understand the significance of you completing a design course at a local college.
Choose someone you can trust
Your accountability partner doesn’t need to be your best friend, but you should choose someone you can be vulnerable with. Close colleagues, a friend you made at a book club, and other trustworthy acquaintances are great picks.
Matching with an accountability partner may happen naturally. In the break room, you could overhear a coworker mentioning that they want to learn how to leverage AI to build presentations, and you could approach them expressing your similar interest. This is the perfect “in” for asking this person to be your accountability buddy.
But if you don’t find someone organically, you could try sending the team a Slack message or spreading the word in your professional social circles. Say something like, “I’d like to take an AI upskilling course and would like to participate alongside an accountability partner. Would anyone like to give and receive support in this process?”
The importance of partnership goal-setting
When you set goals for yourself, you aren’t thinking about how another person may interpret or take steps toward them. Even if you have a similar goal to your accountability partner, their motivations and approach will differ.
To ensure a productive accountability relationship, clearly present your goal to your accountability partner and listen attentively as they explain theirs. Then, work together to create action items and a calendar for reaching the goals.
You could decide which days you’ll run together, how you plan to ramp up your mileage, and what you’ll do to recover on your off days (like stretching or yoga). Set milestones to celebrate, too, like when one of you runs your fastest mile or completes a three-mile streak.
It’s also wise to discuss how you like to receive and give encouragement. Perhaps your partner responds best to brief written messages throughout the day, and you prefer an early morning motivational phone call.
The same logic applies to feedback. Your buddy may request that you meet up once a week for organized feedback sessions while you’re happy to receive commentary as it comes up.
Reaching personal goals doesn’t have to be a solo journey
Getting in touch with your inner motivations and taking steps toward self-improvement is a very personal experience. But once you set clear goals, you can really benefit from seeking support.
Accountability partners are a great option. They make reaching goals more enjoyable, help keep your chin up, and celebrate alongside you.
Coaches, support groups, and clubs are also options —anyone you feel comfortable opening up to about your insecurities and setbacks will be an excellent source of energy and motivation en route to your goals.
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