To illustrate how to identify automatic thoughts, let’s consider an example:
Kalyn had a very busy day at work, and she feels tired and spaced out when she arrives home. After a while, her husband Jack says he’s upset because she didn’t notice he was feeling sad that day and hadn’t asked him what was wrong.
In this moment, Kalyn feels sad, frustrated, and anxious for not having noticed her husband’s struggles. She thinks to herself, “I’m a terrible wife. I’m not good enough for Jack. I bet he'd be happier with someone else. I should have noticed.”
Now let’s talk about the steps Kalyn could take to identify her negative automatic thoughts:
1. Identify unpleasant feelings
The first step to being able to recognize we are experiencing negative automatic thoughts is to pay attention to our emotions.
Kalyn would identify sadness, frustration, and social anxiety. If she notices she is experiencing unpleasant emotions, she can use this as the key to unlocking the thoughts that made her feel that way.
2. Identify the thought that resulted in those feelings
The second step is to backtrack and think, “What are my feelings reacting to?”
In Kalyn’s case, she'd find that her feelings were the result of her automatic thoughts, and she'd be able to pinpoint what these are.
3. Recognize a pattern
Automatic thoughts usually make us fall into unhealthy patterns. They repeat themselves and reinforce the image we have. Both of ourselves and our interaction with others. And the image we have of others.
Kalyn might recognize that she usually resorts to these automatic thoughts whenever she has a disagreement with her husband. Or just feels like they've had an unpleasant interaction.
4. Identify possible cognitive dissonance
Let’s say the same thing happened to a friend of yours. Would you have the same thoughts about their experience?
If the answer is “no,” then you are experiencing cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is when we use a biased interpretation of reality simply because it’s happening to us.