The importance of friendship can’t be understated. It’s essential for developing a sense of belonging and community. Quality friends are there to uplift you when you’re down and enhance your health and well-being.
You’ll likely experience many types of friendships in your lifetime. You might have childhood besties, work friends, drinking buddies, and many more.
Connecting with others is a fundamental part of personal development. By learning to distinguish friend types and understand how they meet your needs, you can improve your friendships.
The 6 types of friendships
You may have a lot of friends or just a few close friends, and whom you want to hang out with can change over time. But there are many types of friendships, and all of them improve your social health in some way.
Here are common friend types we might pick up along the way.
The lifers
Lifers are early childhood friends or friends from high school who’ve been there from the beginning. Lifelong friendships are built on powerful bonds created through shared experiences. Lifers know every story, every life event, and every moment of embarrassment. They’ve been there for it all, watching as your life changes and you grow.
The best friends
A best friend is a person you especially love spending time with. Although the mantle of “best friend” can often seem important when we’re younger, it’s normal to have a few best friends. There doesn’t have to be one single friend you put above all others.
Best friendships are built on trust and centered around a feeling that you can share anything. With best friends, you feel perfectly comfortable being yourself, which is the true definition of a close friendship.
The casual friends
Casual friends are good friends you don’t necessarily see regularly but can always connect with when they’re around. Catching up with them over lunch or while drinking coffee brings a smile to your face.
They’re usually there when you need them, even if they aren’t the first person you go to during hard times. Casual friends may be friends at work, people from church, or fellow fans at sporting events.
The second-hand friends
Second-hand friends are friends of friends. They’re those people you only run into at social events. They might be the college buddy of a close friend or fellow working parents attending classroom plays and graduations.
Social friends may be kind people you enjoy speaking with, but you have yet to make plans with outside larger group gatherings. Because these friendships aren’t particularly close, second-hand friends are unlikely to know your deep secrets.
The shared-interests friends
Finding a hobby can lead to all sorts of new connections. If your regular friend group doesn’t appreciate your love for a certain activity, shared-interest friends are great to have.
With this type of friendship, you may bond over your weekly hockey game or the latest book club selection, but the friendship might not go beyond that. Shared-interest friends don’t often mix with your other friend groups, especially at first.
The long-distance friends
Nothing says close friends have to live within a short distance of each other. The people you feel most connected to might be from your college days in another state. Or maybe they’re childhood friends who moved cross country after changing jobs. They could be new connections you made at a remote position.
You may even have made long-distance friends through chat rooms, social media, or apps. According to the 2021 American Perspectives Survey, 39% of Americans have online friends they interact with only through the internet. Some feel safer confiding in these friendships because communication isn’t in-person.
Even if you’d prefer your long-distance friend to be in the same space, technology can help you maintain a strong connection. You can stay in touch with those far away through texting, phone calls, and video chats.
Do you need all types of friends?
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all checklist of friendship types you need to be happy. What’s important is whether the friends you have help you feel fulfilled and content with life.
If you have friends you can laugh with but none you can share your struggles with, it may be time to make some new friends who can fill that void. Having different types of friendships can help you lead a balanced social life.
The 7 friends theory
The seven friends theory states that you should have seven types of friends to find happiness. This theory isn’t backed by psychology. It's a part of pop culture that TikTok made famous.
The seven types of friends include:
- A friend you’ve known since childhood
- A friend who always makes you laugh
- A friend you can go a while without talking to without the friendship suffering
- A friend you can tell anything
- A friend that’s like family
- A friend you can’t imagine life without
- A friend you tell all your relationship problems
This fun checklist of friendship types doesn’t need to be taken too seriously. However, it can be useful for examining the value your interpersonal relationships bring to your life. These types can also overlap in many ways.
Exploring unique friendship dynamics
Not every friendship fits perfectly into a box. Rather than focusing solely on friendship type, aim to explore unique friendship dynamics to stay socially connected.
You might have work friends that become best friends. Your acquaintances could develop into shared-interest friends. Consider asking a work friend to hang out on a Saturday. See what happens if you take one of your best friends to a hobby meeting.
The only limits to friendships are the ones your mind creates. Embrace the things friends bring into your life and welcome room for expansion.
6 types of bad friends
As great as friendships are, you may discover that some friends possess toxic traits. These types of friends may do more harm than good in your life.
The one-sided friendship
Have you ever noticed you have a certain friend you only see when you instigate plans? One-sided friendships might seem worth it, especially when dealing with loneliness, but the lack of mutual effort can wear on you over time.
One-sided friends may have no ill intentions and just have a lot going on. But it’s unfair for you to carry the weight of the friendship alone. Consider sharing with this friend how the lack of effort makes you feel. Being vulnerable might help your friendship develop into one where you feel loved and appreciated rather than one where you’re begging for their time.
The crisis friend
The crisis friend expects emotional support but rarely gives it in return. They somehow make every situation about their own life problems.
A healthy friendship is balanced in terms of emotional labor. It doesn’t create more mental load than you can handle. If your friend only contacts you to vent about problems, you might start to feel like an unpaid therapist.
Consider having a conversation with your friend about improving their active listening. Alerting them to this issue might help them get to know themself better through self-reflection.
The jealous friend
Jealous friends are overly competitive. They will jump at any opportunity to belittle you or tear down your personal achievements. This can lower your self-esteem.
These friends need to overcome insecurities but instead take it out on others close to them. They may copy or try to one-up you.
Real friends root for your success. In healthy friendships, your close friends are on the sidelines cheering you on.
The gossip
Not everyone can be trusted with the secrets and details of your personal life. A gossipy co-worker or friend isn’t the best person to share with.
This type of friend may lie and share your business behind your back. Or they may constantly spew judgment and negativity. Either way, being friends with a gossip can be draining. Have a conversation with them about oversharing, or remember to keep personal details to a minimum.
The negative friend
Negative friends manage to put a damper on even the most positive situations. These types of friends are sometimes called emotional vampires.
Being around negative friends feels draining and may negatively impact your mental health. Protect your energy by surrounding yourself with more optimistic people.
The controlling friend
Friends who struggle with control issues have a poor sense of healthy boundaries. They may try to control where the friend group goes on an outing, what they wear, and where they eat. They might even try to control you by demanding you spend time with them.
It’s not healthy to set aside your needs and let one person dictate all the decision-making. Your desires shouldn’t take a backseat to theirs. Cultivate a healthy friendship by setting boundaries. A true friend will respect them.
When to end a friendship
How do you know when it’s time to end a friendship? Cutting ties with a friend is never easy, but it can be necessary for personal growth. Examine the qualities of a good friend and whether they fit your definition.
Try asking yourself some questions regarding uncertain friendships, such as:
- How do I feel about myself when I’m with this person?
- Is the effort in the friendship reciprocated?
- Do I feel the need to hide or change parts of myself around them?
- Do they listen to my needs and respect my boundaries?
- Can I trust them?
- If I have an unreciprocated romantic interest in this person, should I still be friends with them?
If there are more negative answers than positive, it may be time to give them space and let go.
How many friends do you need to be happy?
You may have a lot of friends or just a few close ones, and who you want to hang out with can change over time. Valuing friendship is associated with better health benefits throughout cultures. So how many friends do you need, and how many is normal?
It’s safe to say that you need friends to support your well-being, but if you’re worried about not having dozens of friends, don’t fret. The aforementioned American Perspectives Survey found that nearly half of respondents claimed to have three or fewer close friends. It revealed that 12% of people feel they have none, while 13% claim 10 close friends or more.
Rather than focusing on how many friends you have, focus on quality over quantity. Set some friendship goals around the depth and authenticity of your connections.
Fitting all types of friendships into your life
Making friends is crucial, but maintaining them takes work. Keeping up with all your friendships can sometimes feel overwhelming. How much effort do you put into maintaining healthy friendships?
Therapy or coaching can help you identify your needs and boundaries. These tools can improve social skills and make you a better friend.
Friendships, like many other aspects of life, reflect the effort you put in. Show friends you care by showing up for them when needed and reaching out regularly. The right people will stick by you.
-1.png)
