If you don’t work from home, you probably divide your life between home and the office, transitioning between the locations each day without a second thought. And if you do work from home, you might spend all day moving between the same two rooms.
But spending time in only these two places leaves you craving social connection.
This is a reality that’s driving society’s growing recognition of the need for an additional option — a third place outside domestic and professional spaces. “Third places,” as they’re known, offer a respite from the daily grind. They’re a hangout spot where people can relax and unwind in a setting that encourages interaction, conversation, and belonging.
Having a comfortable third spot to visit can offer a reprieve from stress, loneliness, and monotonous hours spent in front of the television or computer screen.
But finding your happy places can be tricky, so take the time to learn how to spot one. Once you do, you’ll have somewhere special to kick back and enjoy a spirited chat with new friends in a space that feels comfortable and safe.
What are “third places”?
The concept of third places was first coined in the early 1980s by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, then popularized in his book The Great Good Place. In it, Oldenburg describes someone’s “first place” as home — their private, domestic space. And with its expectations and structure, work becomes a person’s “second place.” So, what’s the third space?
Oldenburg developed his third place theory in response to the rise of suburbia that increasingly segregated and isolated family units from the greater community. According to him, third places “host the regular, voluntary, informal, and happily anticipated gatherings of individuals beyond the realms of home and work.”
But a third place goes beyond just any public space where people regularly congregate. People visit these gathering places for the sole purpose of enjoying each other’s company.
For them, the locations boast a cast of familiar faces, semi-regulars, and newbies with a welcoming atmosphere complemented by lively conversation. That might be your favorite café, a bookstore where you attend readings, or your local gym.
What’s more, third places break down silos that can hold members of the community apart from each other. These are neutral public places, unpretentious and open. They’re inexpensive, usually within easy walking or transit distance from home or work, and accessible regardless of social class, income level, or physical ability. All are welcome, and all are equal.
Characteristics of a “third place”
There are many examples of third places in popular culture, from Archie Comics’ Pop Tate’s Malt Shop to the Central Perk from Friends. These classic hangouts and their real-life counterparts, as well as community spaces like craft circles, playgrounds, and even your local library share many common characteristics.
While it’s possible to find a supportive and vibrant community at your local country club, house of worship, or Veterans Association, they may not meet Oldenburg’s strict definition of a third place.
By removing the barriers preventing interactions between various groups that wouldn’t otherwise interact, third places play a role these other gathering spaces can’t — supporting your neighborhood to become abecome of a more inclusive community.
Now, really any place you find a communityfind community could be considered a third place, even if they don’t quite meet Oldenburg’s characteristics. Here are the 9 characteristics of a third place, according to Oldenburg’s work:
1. Neutral ground
A good third place is open to all. On any given occasion, it can hosts a broad cross-section of humanity. Everyone has an opportunitya opportunity to join in, whether it’s a Saturday morning pick-up hockey game at the local YMCA, or drumming session at the community hall. And whether you show up regularly or are an infrequent visitor, you’re greeted with open arms.
2. Level playing field
The barrier to accessing these places is low to non-existent. Participation doesn’t hinge on your economic or social status but on a genuine willingness to contribute to whatever happens on any given day. Because third places lack a social hierarchy, they create a thriving sense of commonality among their patrons.
3. Come as you are
Third places often play the role of the neighborhood living room, offering a warm welcome to all, from the high-powered business executive, thethe the stay-at-home parent looking for a respite. When you cross the threshold into these spaces, it feels like you're visiting a close friend or family member, and the owners like it that way.
4. Conversation-focused
Third places are the spiritual heir to seventeenth- and eighteenth-century Oxford coffee houses. During this period in English history, coffee houses became known as “penny universities” thanks to their reputation for lively exchanges of ideas and information.
For the cost of a cup of coffee — a penny — tradespeople could rub shoulders with scholars or merchants while discussing the hot topic of the day, something unheard of elsewhere in Britain’s highly stratified society.
Modern-day third places are much the same. The establishments’ main activity is engaging individuals, sometimes of differing backgrounds and experiences, in light-hearted conversations while sharing a communal space or activity.
5. Accommodating
It doesn’t take long to arrive at a friendly third place. They’re often conveniently located within your neighborhood, only a short distance from home. Some may encourage you to take your time with extended hours of operation, comfortable seating, and inexpensive snacking options.
They rarely require a reservation, and also include accessible facilities to cater to visitors with varying ability levels.
6. Regular clientele
Third places have devotees, a group of characters you can expect to see whenever you visit. These regulars contribute to the friendly atmosphere, welcoming newcomers with warmth and camaraderie. They often show first-timers the ropes and play a big part in encouraging people to return time after time.
7. Playful atmosphere
The warmth from the regular cast of characters and the lively conversation combine to create a light-hearted and fun atmosphere you can’t wait to revisit. Spending time in your third place is like a hug from an old friend, renewing your energy and reviving your zest for life.
8. No expectations
While conversation and interaction abound in a third place, you’re not expected to participate every time you walk in. If you want in on the banter, that’s great. But you're still welcome if it’s been a hard day and you want a quiet moment to regroup in a social atmosphere. Still, don’t be surprised if you’re pouring your heart out after a bit of polite encouragement from the regulars.
9. Home away from home
In some cases, visiting your third place can provide a psychological sense of safety everyone needs from time to time. It’s a non-judgemental zone that delivers the same feelings of warmth and belonging you find at home. Eventually, you may develop a sense of ownership over your third place, like you’ve fixed a piece of yourself permanently and safely within its walls.
What a third place isn’t
In the combat against remote work loneliness, some have suggested that co-working spaces could become people’s third place. While these are an excellent alternative to working from home or the office, shared professional spaces cannot be considered a genuine third place.
Unlike third places, you don’t visit a co-working space just for the pleasure of anyone’s company. You’re there to work. The expectation is you’ll be as productive and professional there as you would be in the office. Too much conversation, and you disturb the others.
Plus, you’re unlikely to meet anyone who isn’t a professional like yourself. Retirees, tradespeople, and unemployed folks don’t frequent these spaces, going against the essence of the third place philosophy of creating a gathering space that welcomes everyone.
Co-working spaces can help provide professional connections and networking opportunities with like-minded people you won’t find working from home. However, considering them your third place could harm your work-life balance by not giving you the complete break from your professional life you need to stay healthy.
Why do people need third places?
Human beings are social creatures that thrive on connection. The greater your number of diverse relationships, the better off you are.
Unfortunately, loneliness seems to be increasing. In the U.S., healthcare provider Cigna found that 58% of American adults consider themselves lonely in 2021. While feelings of isolation and loneliness affect every demographic, those hit hardest are frequently younger, less economically advantaged, and racially marginalized.
Because they’re a level playing field, third places are uniquely positioned to address the problem of loneliness, especially amongst those whom isolation affects most. Here are five more reasons for third spaces:
1. Influence and identity
When you enter a third place, you’re walking in as yourself. There’s no reason for reinvention. Your personality sets the tone for your happy place, and people will get to know you based on what you contribute through self-expression, support, and active participation. Engagement helps construct a healthy social identity outside of who you are at home or work and gives you a sense of ownership that can improve your overall well-being.
2. Establishes connection
Congregating in a third place, engaging with friendly faces, and establishing social connections builds a sense of belonging, making it much easier to cope with stress and build the necessary resilience to overcome challenges. These friendships can become an oasis of support and offer a reprieve that sees you through to better times.
3. Develops empathy
Sharing common experiences and interacting with people from different backgrounds helps build empathy, which can deepen and strengthen your social connections. Empathy for others also benefits you by helping to regulate your feelings, making it easier to weather emotional storms.
4. Improves health
Building social networks through regular visits to your third place boosts your mental well-being and safeguards your health. Studies show friendships can improve:
- Cardiovascular health
- Blood pressure
- Immune function
- Survival rates for cancer patients
As you age, these relationships become even more important, helping to keep you active, achieve better sleep, and improve memory function while reducing mortality.
5. Builds communities
Not only do third places improve your well-being, but public spaces are instrumental in improving the quality of life in your neighborhood. The links you establish forge a sense of community solidarity by improving communication, building trust, and enshrining common values. You can expect to be there for each other in times of need. This also helps move your work-life balance in favor of the life side, helping you connect with people outside of your workplace.
How to find your own third place
It might seem like you’ll only find third places in major urban centers like New York or Philadelphia, but they’re surprisingly common, no matter where you are. You just need to know how to look for them.
1. Start by picturing your ideal place
What type of third place would make you feel most welcome? If it’s laid back and comfortable, an old-style pub or coffee shop might be the right place to start your search. If you’re in the mood for something high-energy and vibrant, then an exercise class or the local skate park could be more your speed. Odds are your ideal space has like-minded people or people with similar interests, so start by considering your favorite hobbies.
2. Explore community spaces
Once you have an idea of what you’re looking for in your third place, explore your neighborhood for community spaces that meet your needs. A public park might be the meet-up spot for a nearby tai chi group, and a library or bookstore may be able to point in the direction of a reading group that suits your fancy. Don’t forget to check out public notices on community bulletin boards and telephone poles for community groups that spark your passion or purpose.
If you’re immunocompromised, you may find getting together with strangers too risky after the COVID-19 pandemic. In that case, digital gaming groups like PMS Clan and AnyKey may lead you to online communities that become your virtual third space. Social media spaces like Reddit or Instagram could also help you build a digital social network to connect with people.
3. Look for places focused on conversation
The point of hanging out in a third place is social interaction. Sports bars are often loud, making conversation hard, while people visiting your nearest Starbucks might be too focused on their phones and laptops to talk. The gym might be a good place to try, especially if it has a communal gathering space, like a juice bar, that encourages patron mingling. Otherwise, people may prefer to focus on their workout and not chit-chat.
4. Stay in touch with your body
Traveling to a third place should put you into a state of relaxation. If you enter a space, feel the stress melting away and your energy levels perking up, pull up a chair. You’ve found your happy place.
Where to start looking
Here are some other ideas to help you locate your third place:
- Cafés or 24-hour donut shops
- Community athletics or gyms
- Barber shops and hair salons
- Craft studios
- Recreation centers
- Nature reserves or state parks
- Volunteer groups
Find comfort and social connection
Everybody’s searching for a place to belong. Hanging out in a third place can fill that need — and it’s worth it to your mental health to search these spaces out. If your first choice doesn’t work, that’s OK. Your people are out there, waiting for you to walk in.
And when you’re lucky enough to find a space you can call your home away from home, be sure to hold the door open for the next person.
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